It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
