Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
