I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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