The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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