You're so nebulous sometimes
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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