I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
