I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
