so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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