this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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