I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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