you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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