I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
