I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
People in love make me want to vomit
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
