I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
