I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
