i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
