I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
