Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
