Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
So. Much. Porn.
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