and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
