I showed him my bush... on skype.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
