Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
