If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
