My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
