Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
