I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
