i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
