If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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