My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
