yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
