Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
being pregnant is like rehab
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
