Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
