how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Randomize
