You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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