Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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