That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
