i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
