very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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