somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
