you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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