I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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