Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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