i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
