so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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