3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
