It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
