Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
