I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
