my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
