I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
