I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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