i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
