Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
