If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
